Reflections on 2022.
Six months ago was July, the month I started the contract job I have now, and the beginning of my journey to true independence and self-reliant adulthood. I began making enough to give me the means to move out of my parent’s house and into the neighborhood/area of living of my dreams. I had to contend with the fact that I was no longer financially dependent on my parents, save for health insurance. But now, as I just turned 26, I am paying for that as well.
Adulthood with all of its expenses and responsibilities can be daunting and scary, but when you’re lucky enough to be equipped with sufficient income and resources, it can also be quite exciting and liberating. I find joy in being able to pay rent, utilities, groceries, etc. and still have money left over for things I enjoy, like traveling with my boyfriend, going out to dinner, or updating my wardrobe on occasion.
If you told me six months ago that I would be in the financial standing I am now, I probably would have laughed. Because, for so long I was struggling to maintain a steady cash flow, and moving out of my parents’ house (which I needed so desperately) seemed like an insurmountable task. Now I can confidently say that I will never return to that state of financial duress, not so long as I keep up budgeting the way I am.
All money aside, I have had some beautiful artistic collaborations in the past six months as well. I helped two individuals create their own websites for their respective businesses. I dipped into the creative part of myself that was dormant for so long, and better learned what it meant to work alongside others with a solid end goal in mind.
I have always felt more comfortable with giving; whether it be tangible gifts, nuggets of wisdom, sage advice, or a compliment in passing. It nourishes me to be able to provide others with happiness, love, and uplifting. However, I’ve discovered recently that I am uncomfortable being on the receiving end. From childhood, I have lived to please others and tend to others needs, partially as a way of deflecting from tending to my own. I am now realizing that if my garden goes untreated, I can’t expect to sufficiently water anyone else’s. So, this year, I am working on receiving without restraint, without consciousness of how I exist in the lives and minds of others…without fear.
It’s funny, when you’re in the actual moment, it’s hard to see how much you’re accomplishing, creating, and doing. But now, I look back in awe as I count all of the ways I put myself out there, shared my skills, my energy, and my services with others. From the first six months of 2022, where I struggled so deeply with my self confidence, my friendships, my relationship to others, and finding a stable job/income…to the last six months, where I acquired a livable wage, moved into my first apartment, traveled abroad with the love of my life, reignited my creative side, and more. It has been a year of rebirth, spiritual searching, and coming into my own. I am so excited to carry this same fervor, confidence, and abundance of love into 2023.